* Using Surya’s photo cause he is the baddest good man to have ever existed. If you know you know!*
I understand that “never” is a strong word. We all have good and bad days, and it’s easy to fall short of our own expectations at times. However, I believe that good men hold themselves to a higher standard of conduct in all aspects of life.
Leave your thoughts in the comments about what else should (or should not) be on this list.
A good man will never pick apart your looks.
I cannot tell you how important this is! Be it your friends or someone you are crushing so hard on, if they ever take a dig at how you look; be it your sense of style or just how you present yourself, please do yourself a favour and say goodbye to that connection.
If you hear this phrase;
“I like how you look when you do not have make up on”
“You look nice with makeup but i prefer my woman to be natural looking”
Please run. Do not even try to explain to them cause I am sure you wouldn’t be the first woman to try that. Here is what is wrong with this; women use makeup for themselves; for whatever reason they have. An unaware man would use these lines because he probably feels insecure. Sis, no one can do anything about it; including himself.
A classic emotionally abusive behaviour is purposely attempting to lower your self worth so you will not feel confident enough to leave him. It is his way of trying to control you and inflict you with doubt about who you are and what you deserve.
Time and time again, I am truly blessed to see the good men in my social peripherals prove that it is basic to not pick apart a human’s looks.High quality men out there know that commenting on a person’s physique is a derogatory act.
A good man will never invade your privacy.
“If you really trust me; you should not have a problem to share your password”
Oh the gaslighting in this scenario is so common and prevalent; in many communities but let’s get intersectional. In this lifetime, I have been cursed to hear stories of women telling me that their partners demand for them to share their social media account passwords. I have also met women who have demanded this from their partners and to that i say, no gender exceptions. A good human will NEVER invade your privacy.
This privacy issue is a huge thing in our community. Nude photos of women are almost always circulating on Telegram groups. What do you think happens? The women live in fear and that is their right but I am here to tell you, if a man ever blackmails you to leak your nude photos; go to the authorities and keep believing in yourself. Do not let the elderly people question your worth. Your body is worth celebrating and a nude photo isn’t the end of the world. I do not hear stories of men’s lives being destroyed if their d*ck pics gets leaked.
I also would never say this,
“Don’t you have sisters at home? Would you like it if someone does this to your mother?”
Oh please, this is old. Incestuous abuse has been happening for decades in communities where sex education is seen as the reason for unprotected sex. The irony 🤦🏽♀️ So, a good man will NEVER ask you for your passwords and will decline them even if you give it to them cause it will never serve them in any way.
A good man will recognise your value, he will not make you feel the need to prove it to him.
I worked so many of my teenage and young adult years, proving my value to some men in my life. It is not worth it; even if the list includes your own dad. If a person makes you feel like you need to keep proving it to them that you are of value; run!
Two words; insecurity projection. Whatever they feel is lacking in their life and because there is a clear lack of self acceptance, the good ol projection comes into play. The measure of how sick the dynamics would be in a relationship with a low quality man would be to check yourself when you are around with your friends.
A good friend will NEVER ever make you feel like you need to prove yourself to be of value. They see you and know that your values are a huge part of your identity but never ever will they make you feel like you need to prove it to them.
A good man will never disrespect you.
Easy and basic right? Yet, we see many women around us allow their life partners to disrespect them..
What is disrespectful to me can be different to you and I suggest to always have your standards up high. This one is very strongly tied to the previous two traits. If a person respects you; your privacy won’t be invaded and you won’t catch yourself in a loop of questioning if you think they value you or not?
A good man does not see respect as a trade or “fuel” for the relationship. Respect transcends past all labels. It boils down to how he feels for you and understands that it takes consistency to maintain this space.
A good man will never avoid important conversations
A good man understands that no problem can be solved until it is confronted, whether it is between family members or in a relationship. The only thing that avoiding difficulties achieves is postponing the inevitable and potentially making things worse.
There is a difference between picking your battles and avoiding conflict entirely — the important thing is to know when to hold’em and when to fold’em, but having the courage and integrity to approach important issues calmly and deliberately is a sign of dignity and respect; for everyone in that scenario.
This is a personal opinion, but I have always believed that people should be able to have any type of conversation in order to strengthen the bond. Just observe the best friend relationship model. Is there anything that you can never tell your best friend? Trust me, even the most sensitive issues have been discussed without patronising each other.
These attributes work for EVERYONE and not just for men. Interestingly, most women do not face some of the issues listed here in this article. Do let me know what you think and what are things good men/women do!