There are many types of relationships that you hold in your life. There are neighbours, friends, wives, husbands, children, parents, siblings, lovers, there are people who hate each other – everything is a relationship. Fundamentally, all relationships in your life have come up because you have certain needs to fulfil – physical, mental, emotional, social, financial and so on. You try to establish a certain type of relationship to fulfil whatever kind of need you have. If that need is not fulfilled, that relationship cannot be.
There is another way to exist experientially where one can exist without any relationships. One is so complete within oneself that it does not matter. But right now, for most people, the quality of their relationships decides the quality of their life. So let’s see how we can have the most beautiful relationship, every moment of our lives, wherever we are. If you look at it, you are somehow trying to make yourself happy by building different types of relationships and doing different types of activities.
You make friends, you get married, you have children, you start businesses – you do everything – because somewhere you believe this will bring you happiness. You built all these relationships in pursuit of happiness. Or in other words, you are trying to squeeze some happiness out of people. Once you do this, relationships will be constant trouble. You cannot do without it, you cannot do with it. There is no sense of joy or happiness within you, so you are trying to extract it from somebody and that person is trying to extract it from you. This is bound to become a battle.
If relationships have to be really beautiful, it is very important that a human being turns inward and looks at himself in a very deep way before he looks at someone else. If you become a source of joy by yourself and your relationships are about sharing your joy, not squeezing joy out of someone, then you would have wonderful relationships with anybody.
Is there anybody in the world who would have any problem with you if you are going to share your joy with them?
No. You are trying to extract joy from them, that is where the problem is. Relationships have become a problem because we are not using it to enhance our lives. We are trying to fill the gaps in our lives.
If your relationship is about extracting something out of somebody, it does not matter how much you manage, there will be constant trouble. If your relationship was an offering to the person who is next to you right now, then everything would be fantastic.
Ranked amongst the fifty most influential people in India, Sadhguru is a yogi, mystic, visionary and bestselling author. Sadhguru has been conferred the “Padma Vibhushan”, India’s highest annual civilian award, by the Government of India in 2017, for exceptional and distinguished service.